THE Dance Recital

Today was Eden's first dance recital.  She's been taking 'pre-dance' at Jane's school of dance since August.  Every Friday, I spin into the parking lot on two wheels after wrestling her into her costume.  By the time I get in the door, I'm  usually sweating like a pig and exhausted.  Eden has always loved the class.  She usually skips right into class and has a wonderful experience and floats out with a smile on her face and a stamp on her hand.  The last 3 weeks have been different for some reason.  She gets dressed fine and gets there fine, but when it's time to go into the dance room she falls into a puddle.  I've ended up dragging her in and shutting the door. I know that sounds horribly harsh, but I felt like it was just a phase.  She'd stop crying after a few minutes and come out smiling.  I wish someone had warned us that today's dance recital might have been less than thrilling.  She got her costume and was so excited about it.  I even allowed her to wear a little make-up, thinking it'd help her get excited.  I spent half an hour combing over ever little hair on her head.  When she was all dressed and ready she looked adorable and loved looking at herself in the mirror.  I thought to myself "we're right on track".  We got to the studio and as soon as she saw the other girls, she began to tug on my pant leg and I knew this was a sign of trouble.  

She requested Daddy hold her until the recital started, which is uncommon and I knew again that this could be a bad sign.  The recital began and she began screaming, crying, begging me not to make her go.  I felt bad for her.  I couldn't understand why she was so upset and didn't want her screaming to ruin the other girls' recital time.  So she sat in my lap the entire time.  I tried a bribe "If you dance, we'll go and pick out a toy at K-mart".  I even tried "Do you wanna go to the park?" Her eyes lit with excitement "Yeah!" and maybe this was mean "OK, well you can go - if you dance".  The screaming would ensue.  I tried lavishing the girls with compliments "Oh look how wonderful they're dancing.  They're all such big girls".  I even tried to show her how much fun they were having "Oh look it's so much fun!".  None of it worked.  NONE of it.  

I felt so defeated.  How did I fail?  Every Friday night since August I've mumbled and grumbled about that 5:30p dance class.  The pinnacle moment that was going to make it all "worth it" was now over and ruined.  We had SIX people show up at the recital to watch her "performance".  My grandparents, my mom and step-dad, and Scott & Angie.  It was brutally embarrassing when they handed her candy and flower bouquets for her doing such a good job on the performance she'd refused to participate in!  Part of me really wanted to withhold the candy from her. Not only did they come to watch her - they came to watch her in a small, hot, crowded room.  *Sigh*

I know she's only 3, but I was so disappointed...I guess I felt like she owed me this.  LOL That sounds so sad and pathetic on my part, but that's the truth.  I'd like to forget it ever happened and the thought of rushing to pictures tomorrow evening makes me wanna vomit.  I'd like to just pretend the whole thing never happened.   lol