The Wal-Mart Dart

If anyone knows me, they know I over-analyze everything.  It's difficult for me to make a decision and I've been known to poll the world over things that seem trivial.  So it's no surprise to me that I was at wal-mart past 11p tonight on the eve of our family Christmas pictures.  Now, let's be clear in stating that it wasn't because I hadn't planned or had even procrastinated.  I've had the outfits selected, purchased, washed, and laid out for weeks.  Today I spent time dutifully ironing them and matching hair bows and accessories.  When I got to my outfit, that's where I became a little unraveled.  I had planned to wear a pink sweater...to match the pink that the girls were wearing.  Only tonight when I looked at it, unlike the other 100 times I've looked at them...the pinks didn't match.  Not only didn't they match, worse...they clashed!  So after much discussion on whether or not to go and seeking dear husband's opinion, I made a trip to wal-mart to see if I could find myself a suitable shirt. 

After about an hour, around 11:45p, I made my way to the checkout with my selections.  My make-up was warn, I had mismatched clothes, jeans that prepared me for a flood, and my hair...oh my hair.  Let's just say, I wasn't looking my best.  As I began to pay, a man got in line behind me and began putting his things on the line.  I glanced and then instantaneously glanced again, only to meet his eyes.  ACK!  It was D, a nice looking popular guy from high school.  He had seen me and now I had to say hi.  "Hey, how are you?" I managed to mutter politely.  I immediately became self conscious, adjusting my blouse and tugging at my jeans...hoping they didn't look as short as the draft I was feeling.  I tried to focus on counting out my cash for the clerk and out of the corner of my eye, I see a girl.  Oh no.  It's worse.  He has a gorgeous woman with him.  She's a size 6 and even though she looks tired, she's nicely dressed and very put together.  I quickly stuff the coconut M&Ms into my purse, hoping he didn't notice them or the fact that my purse is missing a button and hurriedly scoot my cart out of the aisle.  I begin fumbling for my phone, meanwhile praying that he hasn't noticed my mismatched shoes.  Then, the search becomes frantic.  I realize, there's only one door open.  My car is parked close to the door and the worst is yet to come.  They're going to see me pull away in a MINIVAN!  Oh the agony!  I skip putting on my jacket and opt for the fastest exit possible.  My ankles are freezing as I practically sprint to my van.  I shove the things in and start it, buckle in, and all but skid tires trying to get out of the parking lot.  SHEW!  I don't think they saw me in the minivan.  That was a close one!  I thought.  

As I drove home, shoving the tiny convenient comfort food into my mouth, I tried to reflect on what had bothered me so much about seeing him.  I wasn't a size 4 like his friend.  I wasn't put together.  I hadn't come from doing anything fun, unless you consider cleaning doggy doo out of the cracks of your couch fun.  I almost slipped into a little hole of self pity or shame.  I began to feel old and uncool in the worst way.  I got closer to home and towards the end of the M&M bag and began to feel better.  No, I wasn't any of those things.  I  never was, actually.  And maybe I was considered "old" now, but I had something he didn't.  I had 2 little princesses fast asleep at my house.  I had 2 people depending on me.  

Now, as I sit in my office listening to the quiet of my husband's snore I wonder what made me feel such embarrassment.  Maybe it's my 29th birthday coming up on Saturday.  Maybe I'm feeling extra old or something?  Who knows!  Odd that we hold on to such things.  Someone I was worried about impressing 10 years ago cause such a surge of all of those high school feelings.  I guess maybe I'm afraid I won't get asked to the dance now? Hahaha.  

Ohhhhh, Tiffany.  You've got to get some new jeans.